You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize