Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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