what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
