I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt