no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.