I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home