I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?