Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up