Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?