I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
