I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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