Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
