piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize