honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize