i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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