tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize