no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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