think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
