i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.