Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick