stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
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I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house