I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I want you more than these girls want KFC
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.