life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Nicole vs. Life
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.