Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize