singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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