ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize