Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just want to make out with him forever
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
