I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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