dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
