Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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