I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
