i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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