My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I smell stomach acid.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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