she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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