Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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