On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
