Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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