Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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