we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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