so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And then my night got REAL pukey
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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