2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
