Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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