You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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