Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize