I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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