why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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