I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
