had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
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She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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