Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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