Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
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I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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