Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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