Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Randomize
Follow @tfln