totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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