did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize