Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.