My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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