we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
as a side note pls kill me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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