Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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