Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
that's an acceptable place to lick
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
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Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day