i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!