My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.