i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky