textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.