yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.