So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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